My 59th Year

And so I am once again confronted with my yearly reminder of mortality. Death draws closer and I notice the age of those in the obituaries and who's death make the news and I compare my age to theirs. Like all those before me I wonder the eternal questions, how much time do I have? Have I contributed anything to the world? Will anyone notice my passing? Have I been a good man?

On good days I have positive feelings about some elements of my life. On many days I feel that my efforts as an educator have been wasted. Students prefer the more sociable and socially capable members of our Faculty. My idiosyncrasies, over enthusiasm, and insecurities build a subtle but definite barrier between myself and effectiveness.

My true love of the outdoors and exploring the world around me seems selfish and indulgent when I look at so many others who struggle for the basics of life. I feel like a rich spoiled child. Okay maybe not rich.

I love my photographs. They speak to me but they are only my treasure, no one shares my joy of these images. It is like this blog, useful in it's reflective therapeutic exercise. Working my images is like working these words. It lets me pause and gain some perspective and the luxury of remembering.

It is with a true but harsh perspective that I see myself as the selfish, sometimes foolish, man who has been give two great gifts, a wonderful wife and a wonderful daughter. My only contribution to the world should be to help them and love them as best I can. If I can truly love that is enough.

And yet, that said, if I can get in a few more hikes, some sailing, and maybe drink a few more bottles of whisky that would be good too.

I guess there is still more living to do before I die. The glass is after all, half full, and I realize I'm still thirsty.

Al